Painted Grey

 When grey is painted through your life

and each small step is tough;

when brightness leaches from your soul

and it all feels too much.When tiredness weighs your eyelids down,

your body’s laced with lead;

when thoughts are tangled up in knots,

dense fog invades your head.When self-esteem has scarpered and

it leaves you feeling low;

when every move is effortful,

dread follows where you go.You over think, you over try,

you over do it too,

you can’t accept that rest is best

but keep on powering through.You run from it, you cannot see

that you are in this pit;

it feels like its your fault, that it

 is you creating it.You did not want or make it so,

it is not, not your fault;

depression is a crafty foe,

insidious assault.And life becomes a battle where

you have to march to win;

put one foot then the other to

help each day to begin.You gather your resources, and

you muster all you are;

you call up all the courage that

you hope has not gone far.You go through all the motions as

if you are not quite there;

you’re heading back to normal on

your route back from despair.You do it all quite quietly and

you try not to be harsh;

you must treat you with kindness as

you navigate life’s marsh.It can feel overwhelming and

you want to run and hide,

but alternate the resting with

a trip or two outside.When fog starts slowly lifting, when

limbs loosen and feel light;

when smiles appear, surprising you

and some days feel alright.When hope dips in and out and the

pitch blackness starts to fade;

when life’s a little easier,

see progress that you’ve made.You wish all days were carefree, that

the darkness never fell;

you wish your heart would sing far more,

you’d always feel this well.You wish your life was lighter and

your footsteps danced in time;

you wish depression’s blasted cloak

would not hide your sun’s shine.Acceptance is the hardest part

and not to fight the pain;

and not to reprimand yourself

for feeling low again.But kindness, take a gentle path,

and nurture back to health

the part of you that’s hurting on

this journey back to self.And know that it’s okay to trudge,

that sometimes that’s the key;

to wrap yourself in love until

you’re flying high and free.

 

© Nicky Clifford, 2016