The table plan, the very hitch
that reinforced my nervous twitch:
we must ensure that Aunty Lil
is seated next to Jean and Bill
And Gladys won’t go near old Jim;
she loathes his pipe, and can’t bear him.
If Liz and Alice sit too near,
they’ll drink like fish, be loud, I fear.
And sister Steph won’t speak to Sue;
dad married her, divorced mum too.
If Marc and Vince sit tete a tete,
the relatives will only fret.
And Steve and Tom will cause a fight;
I’m not surprised, Steve pinched his wife.
I’ll never get this sorted out.
Is this what weddings are about?
And Andrew is a dreadful flirt
with any female in a skirt;
so Fran who’s shy and rather prim,
we must seat her away from him.
Poor Aunty’s heart put to the test
as Janet feeds Sam from her breast.
Though Uncle, he would think it great
for such a thrill at eighty-eight.
The terror two of six and four:
I think we’ll put them near the door.
What can we do with Grandma Jones?
She never smiles and always moans.
I swop and juggle, move and change,
re-organise my rearrange.
I’m feeling full of utmost dread.
Could ‘buffet’ be the thing instead?
And let them mingle, find a chair?
Fran needs a bit of Andrew’s flair,
and Jean and Bill could have some fun:
they must be bored of life as ‘one’.
And Tom and Steve might cause a fray,
but ‘clear the air’, that’s what I say.
And maybe Steph will tell that Sue
the things that I’ve been wanting to . . .
And relatives must open minds
to Marc and Vince, it takes all kinds . . .
And Gladys might have quite a shock
and find she likes old Jim a lot.
So what if Liz and Andy drink
I’m fed up with what others think.
The ‘wrinklies’, they must all ‘muck in’,
and tut at six and four’s loud din.
So throw the lot in one big pile.
I’ll greet them all in single file.
I know that they will have a ball –
my guests will entertain us all!
© Nicky Clifford 2016
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