just trying to meet up
to sky-high expectations so
at last I feel “enough”.I’m wishing, wanting, craving some
approval and some praise.
I’m feeling like a child who needs
strokes running through her days.I’m ticking off my well-done jobs
but stabbing with a blade
every single tiny thing that
does not make the grade.I’m wielding sticks to beat me up,
I’m living in the shade
cause “mercy” is for slackers, that
don’t work on my crusade.I’m sinking to the ground, below,
I dare not stand up straight.
I’ll simply beat me down again
with this vicious self-hate.Until my eyes are opened to
I’m fed up playing “victim” here;
it’s my time to fight back.I throw the whip away, I cut
the strings that hold me bound;
perfection’s shown the door, I don’t
want it to hang around.I call up affirmations and
I use them every day.
I know it will take time for all
my scars to fade away.I know I have to practice so
I move from dark to light.
I know I’ll slip back sometimes
and I know that that’s alright.I pat me on the back, I try
and rest when I’m worn out.
I nurture me and value me;
I chase away self-doubtAnd when I treat me kindly
and I give myself a break,
and lower expectations, I
don’t get in such a state.It’s starting not to matter who
likes me, cause that’s their stuff.
In little baby steps I feel
that I am good enough.Of course I seek approval but
I’m learning to set free
the most important person who
I need to value me.From curled up, fearful, nervous, I
Unfurl and stretch and sigh.
I spread my wings of happiness
and find that I can FLY…
© Nicky Clifford 2016