Enough?

I’m striving, pushing, driving me,

just trying to meet up

to sky-high expectations so

at last I feel “enough”.I’m wishing, wanting, craving some

approval and some praise.

I’m feeling like a child who needs

strokes running through her days.I’m ticking off my well-done jobs

but stabbing with a blade

every single tiny thing that

does not make the grade.I’m wielding sticks to beat me up,

I’m living in the shade

cause “mercy” is for slackers, that

don’t work on my crusade.I’m sinking to the ground, below,

I dare not stand up straight.

I’ll simply beat me down again

with this vicious self-hate.Until my eyes are opened to

relentless “me-attack”.

I’m fed up playing “victim” here;

it’s my time to fight back.I throw the whip away, I cut

the strings that hold me bound;

perfection’s shown the door, I don’t

want it to hang around.I call up affirmations and

I use them every day.

I know it will take time for all

my scars to fade away.I know I have to practice so

I move from dark to light.

I know I’ll slip back sometimes

and I know that that’s alright.I pat me on the back, I try

and rest when I’m worn out.

I nurture me and value me;

I chase away self-doubtAnd when I treat me kindly

and I give myself a break,

and lower expectations, I

don’t get in such a state.It’s starting not to matter who

likes me, cause that’s their stuff.

In little baby steps I feel

that I am good enough.Of course I seek approval but

I’m learning to set free

the most important person who

I need to value me.From curled up, fearful, nervous, I

Unfurl and stretch and sigh.

I spread my wings of happiness

and find that I can FLY…

© Nicky Clifford 2016